Jacob's Agony
How I wish I were heartless,
getting through all this endless torture,
enjoying all the torment, relishing all the agony,
this kind of painstaking misery
savoring all the misfortune
turning it into a self-recovering remedy,
my own kind of salvation
and facing this callous world
being the only transcendent source
the Alpha
the one
But could I stand at all?
Being so self-righteous in my own mind-setting camouflage
deceiving myself with my own absurd sanctity of seeing the world
intertwining it with my very own biased prejudice
spawning virtual pandemonium to justify my supremacy
I am the double-edged sword,
the so-called Alpha
But I’m not – the one
(Adapted from my poems published in www.poemhunter.com)
Monday, December 14, 2009
A "collateral damage" due to this peculiar Twilight Saga obsessiveness
Once Upon A Dream: My Striking Beauty
Empathizing Bella’s wrecked-spirit in the lowest time of the life, during the coldest month of the year
Analyzing the taunting jolts
within the very soul beneath my skin
drizzling in my vein, echoing
from a secret place
retorting to the deed so vain
The chest is where I keep the jolts,
my precious possession,
my elixir of life- discovered
as the fruit for merely being human
emerging, my striking beauty
Reflected beneath its surface is the image of Artemis
depicting his luminous silhouette, a diabolique
molded in complexity: of Aphrodite's most valued charm,
of passion and comfort, of fear and discouragement,
forming fiery moonlight beam in an eclipse
Now as I see it,
my treasured Artemis, the essence of the meticulous jolts
were you my curse?
For having you imprisoned in my fortress of solitude,
radiant is your charm,
and I'm overwhelmed
now resisting, not pouring myself
into your no longer welcoming persona
Now, scrutinizing every bit of the delight
savoring the last glimpse of that very complexity
I leave the caress - no trail to return to
and erasing the path of the labyrinth
to the heart of the maze, no turning back
Once upon my dream,
my striking beauty
a beauty, no more
(Adapted from Once Upon My Dream - published in www.Poemhunter.com; also by Saskia Harjono)
Empathizing Bella’s wrecked-spirit in the lowest time of the life, during the coldest month of the year
Analyzing the taunting jolts
within the very soul beneath my skin
drizzling in my vein, echoing
from a secret place
retorting to the deed so vain
The chest is where I keep the jolts,
my precious possession,
my elixir of life- discovered
as the fruit for merely being human
emerging, my striking beauty
Reflected beneath its surface is the image of Artemis
depicting his luminous silhouette, a diabolique
molded in complexity: of Aphrodite's most valued charm,
of passion and comfort, of fear and discouragement,
forming fiery moonlight beam in an eclipse
Now as I see it,
my treasured Artemis, the essence of the meticulous jolts
were you my curse?
For having you imprisoned in my fortress of solitude,
radiant is your charm,
and I'm overwhelmed
now resisting, not pouring myself
into your no longer welcoming persona
Now, scrutinizing every bit of the delight
savoring the last glimpse of that very complexity
I leave the caress - no trail to return to
and erasing the path of the labyrinth
to the heart of the maze, no turning back
Once upon my dream,
my striking beauty
a beauty, no more
(Adapted from Once Upon My Dream - published in www.Poemhunter.com; also by Saskia Harjono)
Monday, May 11, 2009
Pre-wedding frenzy!
So here we are, in Bali..for the pre-wed photo shots. This was not something we planned, as we're having this tight budget policy. But then, whatever can happen when God is involved, can't it? It's definitely not sheer luck - I don't believe that exists. This trip has been
long planned, not necessarily for our pre-wed, but to celebrate my mom's 55th birthday, as this is my last year being single.. On the first day, it was all raining cats and dogs, from late morning until afternoon, and it was the first time I saw rain in Bali! (Please..please, God, let tomorrow be showered with sunshine...) And..turned out the next day was just lovely. The sun shone really brightly, the sky was clear blue. Egi and I were in good mood, the photographer team was cooperative and friendly.. it was just puurfect! And so, we blasted to the first destination (1.5 hours from Denpasar) with a photographer (Wahyu Prayasa), his assistant (Yasa), the wacky driver (Wance) and a make-up artist from New Melati Salon (Arta).
1st Destination: Taman Ujung Karangasem
It is one of Karangasem Empire heritage buildings during the reign of Balinese kings. The place is still well-taken care of, and even now the sacred atmosphere remains. This is one great place to visit - not only for photo shoots but also for tourists. Great architecture, magnificent view - well you got it all! My favorite spot here is Bale Kapal, the eight-pillar-Balinese-European style which you can reach after climbing a very high flight of stairs. Panting, as we reached this spot, but the spectacular view was worth it. You can see calm blue ocean from afar and blue silhouette of mountains on the other side. The photo shooting was fun under the blazing sun. I had sun-burnt only after one and a half hours there. But I couldn't complain, could I? I asked for the bright sunshine!
It was the first place, and it was quite difficult for us to express ourself. Egi, especially, had a 'Chandler-face' and experienced stone-grin phase.
2nd Destination: Tirta Gangga
Still in Karangasem Area, Tirta Gangga is a water palace owned by the Karangasem families. Later I learnt that it was built by the last King of Karangasem, and that many parts of the palace was destroyed by the volcano eruption in 1963. Contrast with the weather in Taman Ujung, it was a bit cloudy here. It was even drizzling for ten minutes during the photo shoots. I don't know whether the name 'water palace' has something to do with it :).. (hehehe I don't think so).
3rd (unofficial) Destination: Mangrove in Denpasar
Unofficial, because it was a 'bonus trip' from the photographer. After having lunch in Karangasem area, we headed to Tegalwangi beach, around 30 minutes past Denpasar. We'd stop for a while to take photo shoots in the coastal paddy rice fields, but then since we couldn't find the perfect paddy fields (the green one, not harvested) so we went straight to Mangrove in Denpasar. We had only very limited time here, since we got to go to Tegal Wangi before sunset. 10 minutes, that was the limit, but then again, hehe.. okay... so many photos were taken here...
4th Destination: Tegal Wangi
Since the photo shoots in Mangrove was much more than 10 minutes, so Wance the driver sped up to reach Tegal Wangi in less than 20 minutes. But then, again, everybody was 'leaking' and so we stopped at Circle K to use the toilet. Ha..ha.. another ten minutes. As soon as we got to the beach, I was so shocked to know that we actually had
to climb down quite a steep cliff (well, steep, for me). For the photographer team, it took them almost an instant to get down, even with all the stuff; but as for me..hohoho... one little step at a time.. and I was there on the beach in around ten minutes.
It was just beautiful as promised, with the cliff, golden sunset, rocks and everything. Romantic. A perfect place for honeymooners. Yet I found it difficult to express myself here... The most difficult of all four.
It was an awesome day after all. Tiring, but unforgettable. Now I can't wait to wait for the real result from Mr. Wahyu Prayasa..hehe..
P.S. FYI, the photos in this post were taken by Wance with Egi's camera. It was kinda funny; we were photographed by three people at the same time, with more than three cameras. I know it was nothing compared to those celebrities and models, but again, it was the first time for us, and it was kinda weird...but fun, hehe..
long planned, not necessarily for our pre-wed, but to celebrate my mom's 55th birthday, as this is my last year being single.. On the first day, it was all raining cats and dogs, from late morning until afternoon, and it was the first time I saw rain in Bali! (Please..please, God, let tomorrow be showered with sunshine...) And..turned out the next day was just lovely. The sun shone really brightly, the sky was clear blue. Egi and I were in good mood, the photographer team was cooperative and friendly.. it was just puurfect! And so, we blasted to the first destination (1.5 hours from Denpasar) with a photographer (Wahyu Prayasa), his assistant (Yasa), the wacky driver (Wance) and a make-up artist from New Melati Salon (Arta). 
1st Destination: Taman Ujung Karangasem
It is one of Karangasem Empire heritage buildings during the reign of Balinese kings. The place is still well-taken care of, and even now the sacred atmosphere remains. This is one great place to visit - not only for photo shoots but also for tourists. Great architecture, magnificent view - well you got it all! My favorite spot here is Bale Kapal, the eight-pillar-Balinese-European style which you can reach after climbing a very high flight of stairs. Panting, as we reached this spot, but the spectacular view was worth it. You can see calm blue ocean from afar and blue silhouette of mountains on the other side. The photo shooting was fun under the blazing sun. I had sun-burnt only after one and a half hours there. But I couldn't complain, could I? I asked for the bright sunshine!
It was the first place, and it was quite difficult for us to express ourself. Egi, especially, had a 'Chandler-face' and experienced stone-grin phase.
2nd Destination: Tirta Gangga
Still in Karangasem Area, Tirta Gangga is a water palace owned by the Karangasem families. Later I learnt that it was built by the last King of Karangasem, and that many parts of the palace was destroyed by the volcano eruption in 1963. Contrast with the weather in Taman Ujung, it was a bit cloudy here. It was even drizzling for ten minutes during the photo shoots. I don't know whether the name 'water palace' has something to do with it :).. (hehehe I don't think so).
3rd (unofficial) Destination: Mangrove in Denpasar
Unofficial, because it was a 'bonus trip' from the photographer. After having lunch in Karangasem area, we headed to Tegalwangi beach, around 30 minutes past Denpasar. We'd stop for a while to take photo shoots in the coastal paddy rice fields, but then since we couldn't find the perfect paddy fields (the green one, not harvested) so we went straight to Mangrove in Denpasar. We had only very limited time here, since we got to go to Tegal Wangi before sunset. 10 minutes, that was the limit, but then again, hehe.. okay... so many photos were taken here...
4th Destination: Tegal Wangi
Since the photo shoots in Mangrove was much more than 10 minutes, so Wance the driver sped up to reach Tegal Wangi in less than 20 minutes. But then, again, everybody was 'leaking' and so we stopped at Circle K to use the toilet. Ha..ha.. another ten minutes. As soon as we got to the beach, I was so shocked to know that we actually had
to climb down quite a steep cliff (well, steep, for me). For the photographer team, it took them almost an instant to get down, even with all the stuff; but as for me..hohoho... one little step at a time.. and I was there on the beach in around ten minutes. It was just beautiful as promised, with the cliff, golden sunset, rocks and everything. Romantic. A perfect place for honeymooners. Yet I found it difficult to express myself here... The most difficult of all four.
It was an awesome day after all. Tiring, but unforgettable. Now I can't wait to wait for the real result from Mr. Wahyu Prayasa..hehe..
P.S. FYI, the photos in this post were taken by Wance with Egi's camera. It was kinda funny; we were photographed by three people at the same time, with more than three cameras. I know it was nothing compared to those celebrities and models, but again, it was the first time for us, and it was kinda weird...but fun, hehe..
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